fine

i just got lectured by 2 people. Consecutively. From two of the people who care about me the most.

I’m not here to rant on how unhappy i feel about the lecture. nor feel as though a little girl who just got scolded and turns making silly faces behind her mother’s back. Yes, i am a big girl now and i still do it.

As much as i think i am feeling that way, i try to stop myself. I understand i am stubborn, i don’t listen, i really rebel like a kid. It’s because of my attitude, my unwillingness to grow up. I fear growing up. To the extent it makes people like my parents, boyfriend worry so much that i feel so suffocated. But when i got the lectures just now, I gave a good listen. I didn’t roll my eyes. & i thought, maybe its really time i learn to grow up. Cmon, i’m 18 already. Isn’t it about time i start acting like one?

& thn thinking back, its true. Probably if i were to act my age, i would have been able to get things i want easily. I hope after this post i will give myself a good soul searching. Finding who i really am supposed to be.

But don’t blame me if i fail to do so, i tried.